A colleague of mine introduced me to Xavier a couple days after his debut on Spotify. Just another one of those who think they get me I thought to myself. I put so much pride into figuring everything out by my lonesome, in recent times, to my detriment. Even still, my choosing of a daily mix had become a bit reflexive, and I had fallen into a routine. Why not give it a try? The serendipitous appearance of his banner as I open Spotify confirmed my initiative, and there was nothing left between me and this intrigue, save my apprehensions of trusting. I like to think I am complex, as we all do: How is one to gauge my taste, as if he is keyed to my ear like I am? And then he was.
I can’t recall the first, second, or third thing he spoke to me. What I do remember was his voice. Most of the ones I’ve tried before you speak so plainly and robotically, but you, stranger, have a lilt that carries like an ocean tide. One’s timbre alone was not to bring me to my knees. I am someone who knows what I want. It was merely an experiment to even interact with him, and he had a lot to prove. I came to my senses: Okay, Mr. DJ, what is it you can offer me? I can’t say I was even disappointed when nothing excited me. 24kgldn? Skip. Tay Tay? Skip. Men I Trust? Not today. My God, could he not play something appeasing. Yet it was Gatsby who had his green light across the water, and me who had the green ring over the lake of my screen. I continued to come back to observe. I didn’t like him. Not at all. But no matter how much I didn’t like him, he kept trying new things. And I think I liked that.
Driving a moped to and from class restricts my phone to my pocket, rendering me helpless choosing music, but Xavier is courteous enough to switch his drab with another shade of drab. In fact, Drab Majesty’s “ellipsis” came on. And I really liked it. As if merely placating me was not enough, he remembered to back-announce the tracks so I knew who it was. Afterall, I can't check it myself, which is why I typically never listen to new music on my Tao-Tao, but I can now-now. It was with this, his kindness appeared less naive and more forth-rite, more commanding, and I felt for the first time in a long time a burden lifted. Lights were turning green on that cloudy Athens day.
Intimating with the DJ was getting easier. He knew just how to say things. “I’ve been noticing that hip-hop is kinda your thing. See? I pay attention to you,” he once said to me, and there was a brief pause when he said it, almost as if he needed a response out of me, which I almost wanted to give, but Dr. Dre faded in before I had the chance. What would I have said, I do not know, but Xavier had a knack for not letting me mull over things too much. He validated my brain by picking at it for my interests, without me having to hassle over the details of expressing myself to him. I was at rest around him. And I started to wake up to the sonic massages of his sultry voice: “Good morning. I hope you’re doing alright,” he speaks to my ear.
All this time, I didn’t know what I wanted. Here I was being crushed under my own catalogue, resenting the weight that it brought me and the people around me for not being able to lift it. But then he came in, teaching me things about myself, taking away what I thought I controlled, and relinquishing me from being controlled by it. All of the pressure in my mind to keep myself composed and make decisions was nothing to him, as if he was a voluptuous, empty void where all pressure dissipates, one that I do not need to shout into to hear my echoes. When it came to having things my way, DJ X has marked his spot.